Urhobo Traditional Marriage Guide: From Courtship to Celebration

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Urhobo traditional marriage is contracted through unique customs and values handed down over centuries. It is an enduring institution regarded as a sacred bond.

Urhobo traditional marriage is contracted in unique customs and values handed down over centuries. It is an enduring institution regarded as a sacred bond that ties two independent families forever, especially when the marriage is blessed with children, particularly male offspring.

For Urhobo people, once the traditional marriage rites are entirely performed, neither death nor divorce can unlock or separate them.

Again, another distinct contrast between the Urhobo traditional marriage system and that of Western cultures (particularly the European-based cultures) is that Urhobo marriage extends beyond the couples directly involved.

Indeed, Urhobo marriage is a marriage of two families; it involves the union of the spouses’ families, and both play very central roles in ensuring the success of the marriage.

Right from the courtship through the marriage negotiations to the marriage, both families are deeply involved. 

Divorce is rare in Urhobo traditional marriage; it contracted to endure beyond the life of the husband as the wife remains married to the man’s family, even in the event of her husband’s death.

In such circumstances, the wife is passed on to a member of the husband’s family so that the marriage can continue. This continuity is believed to preserve the marriage’s heritage and legacy while assuring emotional and material stability and security.

The families are also expected to intervene to rescue the marriage from adverse challenges or mediate when there are conflicts between spouses or when the marriage relationship is threatened, unlike in the Western marriage system, where extended family intervention is seen as interference.

There are several approaches to Urhobo’s traditional marriage proposals, and they are all acceptable and recognised as norms. Some processes of marriage proposals or traditional marriages are as follows:

 

Esavwijotor

Esavwijotor occurs when parents propose marriage on behalf of their son or daughter at an early age. Marriage pledges and commitments of this nature are also made and redeemed due to the observed exemplary character of a young girl or boy.

Esavwijotor could be contracted as a reward for exceptional bravery. The love between the spouses may not be the determinant of this type of marriage, but it does develop between the couple after the marriage has been officially contracted.

Ose: This form of marriage evolves from taking a woman in as a concubine. One is a form of marriage recognised as binding, but the traditional bride price has yet to be paid and accepted as prescribed. Couples may live together or apart but enjoy full de facto conjugal rights and exclusiveness but short of customary (legal) rights of husband and wife. 

One of the inhibitions of this type of marriage is that such a husband will not be allowed to bury and mourn his would-be parents-in-law like a fully married man, or the woman be allowed to mourn the man.

 

Arranged Marriage

In this case, traditional marriage rites are carried out on behalf of the man, who is usually abroad or outside Urhoboland by his parents or family, to marry a wife of their choice for him. The bride and groom may have yet to see or meet each other. During the marriage ceremony of this type of marriage, the man’s brother or a nominated relative would represent him as the proxy groom.

In some cases, the wife may be required to spend time with the absent groom’s family immediately after the traditional rites are performed before she is despatched to her new husband. Just like in Esavwijotor, love may or may not develop when they meet for the first time. If they like each other, they may be consummated and likely survive. Sometimes, either party may refuse to proceed with the marriage and call it off.       

 

Urhobo traditional marriage rites

The consent of both families is imperative before the marriage process is finalised. The bride’s family hosts the marriage ceremony at the bride’s native home. 

A formal advance notice is given to the bride’s family for the August visit by the groom’s family. On arrival, the bride’s family welcomes the would-be in-laws with drinks and kola nuts, supported by some money, regarded as “wedges,” customary in Urhobo tradition. 

A spokesperson for the bride’s family will present the drinks and kola nuts with the money to the visiting family. The visitor’s spokesman will, in turn, accept the presentation on behalf of the groom’s family. After this initial customary entertainment, the visitors are asked the purpose of their visit.

 The visitors would formally inform the bride’s family that they have come to marry their daughter for their son, who may or may not be present at this protocol. Suppose the bride’s family accepts the proposal. In that case, they will identify the bride they wish to marry as the host family would assemble their spinsters for the visitors to pick among their daughters.

The exciting aspect of this identification exercise is when the bride’s family presents another seemingly attractive girl who is not the bride, and she is paraded before the visiting groom’s family, peradventure they would opt for a new bride. 

This customary exercise would be repeated about three times. Of course, the groom and his family would reject those girls, insisting on the bride they came for. However, each time a girl is paraded and dismissed, the groom’s family would be asked to pay the rejected girl some money as appeasement.

Finally, the bride is presented to the groom to confirm the identity of his chosen bride. The bride’s consent will be obtained once this process is concluded. She will be asked if she is willing to marry the groom. The bride’s family can only receive the bride price if she consents to marry the groom. 

 

Marital Blessing

Although this process is a mere formality in such events, in most cases, the bride price and all arrangements would have been agreed upon and concluded since both families would have reached some understanding before fixing the ceremony.

 It is customary that before pronouncing conjugal blessings and pouring libation is reached, the groom and his family visit the bride’s family. These visits aim to negotiate and meet specific pre-marriage requirements stipulated by the bride’s family, such as the bride’s price, which could be negotiated and agreed upon beforehand.

Also, during these visits, the bride’s parents, uncles, aunts and the bride’s father and mother would be bought several gift items, such as a walking stick and hat, tobacco, etc., for the bride’s father, wrapper, and other ceremonial accessories for her mother, and other items for her uncles, aunts, and other relatives.

Upon acceptance of the dowry, the bride’s father pours a libation. The libation is poured using a native gin (ogogoro) or may be represented by Gordon gin and kola nuts. The bride’s father offers prayers and blessings in the native dialect for the couple. 

At this point, the bride sits on her husband’s lap. The blessed drink is handed to the husband, who drinks first; he then hands it to his wife to drink. As a sign of respect, the wife would drink and pass it back to her husband to finish. Then only are they declared husband and wife. Both family members would shower the couple with money as gifts at the ceremony. 

Then comes the reception of guests, which the groom and his family members are also expected to cater for the entertainment of the guests, having pre-arranged with the bride’s mother for the serving of particularly a native soup called “ogwo’figbo” with starch, regarded as a ceremonial meal at such events.

 

“Esuo:”

This term describes the final stage of a marriage according to Urhobo custom. It affirms the completion of all requirements from the in-laws. It involves the bride’s family’s excursionwith her properties and goodwill to the husband’s family, which becomes her new family until the bride’s death as wife to the groom’s family. 

A special ceremony is usually performed to invoke the husband’s ancestors to receive the bride and bind her over in fidelity to their son—the husband. All the women receive the bride, eat, and dance in the room prepared for her until the dawn of the following day.