The marital institution is changing. As a society, religious weddings are fast becoming the preferred option for marriage rites to unite a man and a woman in matrimony. In addition, over the years, more people have grown religious, gravitating towards Christian and Muslim marriages. These two major religions have influenced traditional African life including weddings.
The Itsekiri marriage is not immune to the changing times of modern marriage. Despite these modifications, customary marriage is still widely regarded as the first step in Itsekiri traditional custom. Traditional marriages are sometimes moderated and played down, due to the pomp and spectacle mark these rituals. Modern brides want a stunning wedding gown and a gorgeous, well-dressed bevvy of bridesmaids; grooms are expected to do the same to complement the bride.
Marriage Introduction
Marriage introduction is the first stage in the Itsekiri tradition. This entails the groom travelling to the prospective bride’s family, and asking for her hand in marriage. Depending on the circumstances, the groom may be accompanied by close family members such as his father, brothers, sisters, extended family, or acquaintances.
. Another essential member of the entourage is a spokesman who will speak on behalf of the groom. His responsibilities include properly introducing the groom and informing the bride’s family of their intention and why they are at the bride’s home.
The introduction is frequently followed with drink, kola nuts, and money of any amount, others can chip in, to support the amount provided. Following the completion of the first formality, the bride’s family will greet the groom and his entourage and deliver their drinks and other items to support the drink. The bride will then be called by her father or family and is asked if she wants to marry the groom. If she replies “yes,” the father or bride’s family will legally approve the marriage. Both families will then agree on a date for the traditional marriage.
Traditional and Rituals
Temotsi, or traditional marriage, is an obligatory marriage ritual that every daughter must complete before being considered a married woman. Therefore, it is an opportunity for the bride’s mother to go all out to ensure that her daughter is presented in the most beautiful way possible. The bride will make three appearances throughout the occasion, decked up in the opulent accessories which Itsekiri ladies adorn—silver, gold, and coral. For the Itsekiris, these accessories are renowned for their rich cultural past. In addition, the elegance of Itsekiri ladies is well known for their outward fashion sense.
The ceremony begins with the patriarch of the bride’s family welcoming the groom’s family with kola nuts and drinks, followed by an elegant introduction of guests. The groom’s family eventually returns the favour by presenting kola nuts and drinks in greater numbers than the bride’s family. This is shared by everyone.
After the opening ceremony, the groom’s party spokesman delivers another bottle of Gin and two sizeable local kola nuts before explaining the reason for their visit. The pattern is nearly identical to the marriage introduction process.
Three females will be brought before the groom with their faces concealed after much deliberation, banter, and questioning of the groom. The groom checks each of the females, and in the end, he will reject all three of them since they are not the lady he is looking for. After the first rite is accomplished, the bride will make her first appearance, decked with silver decorations on her hair, neck, and hands, and wrapped in a matching wrapper.
It is worth noting that the Itsekiri’s are one of the rare tribes in Nigeria where the bride price does not cost a significant amount of money. The bridal price is still one bottle of Gin and twelve shillings. In today’s currency, 12 shillings is equivalent to a few thousand Naira. This practice has been perpetuated because the Itsekiri feel that giving a daughter in marriage is not the same as selling that child.
Why Itsekiri don’t Pay Bride Price
The 12 shillings’ purpose is always made clear, that is why it’s called “Ta Gba Ti Emo Tsi.” which translates as “The one used to put down drinks.” The Gin is one of the essential items needed for the ceremony.
History of the Gin
The Europeans used to trade their alcoholic Gin, and it came in a case of 12 bottles. The Itsekiri called it “Ekpete” (a carton of Gin). The Itsekiris considered it the white man’s wealth.
Why is Gin essential?
In the colonial era, Gin was seen as a symbol of European wealth. Therefore, it is one of the items needed to pray for the new couple to have wealth like the Europeans.
Other items used:
- Eight kola nuts with four cotyledons (Obi Itsekiri)
- Palm wine (emo Itsekiri)
- A bottle of drinking water
- Ekpeti gin (a case of Gin containing 12 bottles)
Water is pure and is used to wash things clean. It is also the only thing that can truly quench thirst. It is used to bless their marriage with purity.
The kola nut is considered a fruit by the Itsekiri, and because of its specific properties it is highly revered.
Palm wine is regarded as a mystery, it isn’t mixed with anything but natural, and it has a sweet taste. Therefore, it is used to bless the marriage with sweetness.
All the things I mentioned are all things that come naturally in nature and are not artificial. They all have symbolic spiritual meanings to the Itsekiri and every other ethnic group.
Still on the issue of bride price, according to Itsekiri elders, another reason Itsekiri don’t accept money for bride price is because when an Itsekiri woman dies, she is returned to her family for burial, as opposed to other cultures where she is interred in the community of her spouse.
The Okparan Prayer
The bride makes her second elegant appearance, dressed in two wraps with gold ornaments concealing her naked shoulders. At this point, the bride’s price is paid, and the Okparan – a representative of the bride’s family is appointed, and, on that day, he is considered the head of the bride’s family. His duty is to pray for the couple and formally pronounce them husband and wife. Then, each family head takes a turn praying for the pair while the head of the bride’s family (Okparan) formally passes over the bride to the head of the groom’s delegation.
Ceremony Dress Code
The Itsekiri’s are generally flamboyant when it comes to dressing up for an event. The clothing code for ladies remains two wrappers (of numerous variations), while men also come dressed in a single wrapper and a top called an Ikemeje. A Fedora or Flat Hat, as well as an optional walking stick.
Party Food and Drink
Food is the main highlight during a typical Nigerian party. Food and drinks are crucial to the entire planning process since
the bride’s family will welcome their future in-laws, friends, and relatives. Traditional dishes such as Banga soup and Starch, Owo soup and Starch with cooked Yam or Unripe plantain on the side, Pepper soup, and others are served alongside more recognisable dishes such as Epuru, Jollof Rice, Fried Rice, Egusi soup served with Eba or Semo. Palm wine is provided as a unique treat alongside other alcohol drinks.
